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This is She

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I’m the cutest 😘 #justkidding #ijustwantedtopostaselfie #SELFIE

🐢 #best #dog #ever #silly #cute #derp #puppy

πŸ’†πŸ’‡β€οΈπŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’šπŸ‘Œ #hair #blonde #dye #naturalroots #curly #ombre

Salty! πŸ˜œπŸ‘…πŸ’¦ #party #hardy

We’re cute πŸ˜™ #kiss #coworkers

#work #crazyhair

☺️❀️ #nobra #dontcare #gay

(Source: spuandi, via idratherbeinyourarms)

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

masterblaster:

theeasyvirtue:

masterblaster:

We ordered lube and rubbers online and because we spent more than $20 they sent us a free (too-big-to-use) dildo. So…

to big to use….?

You know, I’m glad you asked, because it allows me to print a correction.

I originally said it was too big to use, but yesterday I learned an important lesson about determination and believing in yourself.

(via angelcasimiro)

(Source: internetpriest, via theeb0mbshell)

kyrafic:

monobeartheater:

intrnetvibes:

jay gatsby’s car was a real hit with the ladies

i know literally nothing about great gatsby but i know tumblr and with that knowledge i am 500% sure that jay gatsby hits some motherfucker with his car

Tumblr: gateway to great literature.

(via theeb0mbshell)

annaflea:

So I read this story and just HAD to draw it. I can’t even remember the last time I did a comic… It was so fun! I’ll have to do more. :)

Original story by - angergirl

(via poptartdemon)

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

foreveralone-lyguy:

What’s the girl version of β€œbros before hoes”?

thank you

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thank you once again

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AH WHEN WILL THEY END

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EVEN MORE OMFG

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I regret making this post. My inbox is filled with these now lol

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It’s like you didn’t even try

(via thefuuuucomics)